Too Much Stress To Stomach
I just wanted to share this story for others who are struggling with their training and feeling doubtful of their journey. I started seriously training for my private pilot’s license when I was 17 years old. I had a difficult time with balancing college classes and trying to progress in my flying career. Something I really struggled with was self-doubt… and I do still battle with this enemy at times.
The negativity began at the very start of my training—I was so fixated on comparing my progress with others. Why wasn’t I doing better? Why was I so far behind everyone else? It was hard for me to love flying so much, but feel so inadequate at it.
When it came time for my checkride, I had studied as diligently as I could, but was still overwhelmed with nerves. To say the least… I threw-up 3 times that day. Once in the morning before I left the house… and twice in the plane. (The wind from my propped window blew a tiny bit of puke on to my DPE’s leg; he was not happy and yelled at me a few times during the flight.) To top it off, I bounced my landing and failed. It was a checkride from hell. Probably one of the worst checkrides you can imagine. I cried on my way home and reconsidered whether I should continue to fly or not because I felt so horrible about myself.
Like a song that’s stuck in your head on repeat, the phrase “I’m such a bad pilot” rang through my head anytime I would fly. It’s very difficult to overcome feelings like that, and this manifestation came true during my checkride. Thankfully, I passed two days later. However, when telling my examiner of my plans to pursue Part 141 training at a university flight school, he scoffed and said “Good, you need the help.”
My heart sunk because though I had finally accomplished a new milestone, I was reminded about how bad of a pilot I really was. This flawed perspective of my self-image carried into my Part 141 training. It wasn’t until I was paired with an instructor who really cared about me, that I was able to believe in myself again. I also met many more student aviators who uplifted me. They all encouraged me and helped me break out of my self-destructive habits, which also improved my piloting ability. They reminded me to look at all the amazing things I was accomplishing through my hard work, dedication, and passion.
The journey made the milestones worthwhile. I soon started to love aviation again because I could see the potential I had within myself. It was the potential I had to help, encourage, teach, inspire, and give back to others as they had done for me. All the hard work and strife was worth it, but I didn’t do it alone. My instructor and many aviators I met along the way showed me what it means to be a part of a community where people want to help each other.
I am now an Instrument Rated - Commercial Pilot, and I never would have thought that I could even make it this far! There were so many times when I wanted to quit, but I held on solely for my love of the aviation community. Best decision ever. I eventually found my way, and I can now laugh about the mean comments from my DPE or the embarrassing moments in my training.
It’s a part of the journey. We’re all human. I’m not perfect, and I still make mistakes, but it is a natural part of the learning process. Your mindset is the only thing that limits you. With determination, you can overcome the obstacles and accomplish your goals. You are good enough, so long as you are trying your best. Everyone has a unique path and moves at a pace that is best for them. Now, I often look back at the good I have done. It motivates me to keep going.
I also learned how important it is to share kindness with others and uplift them on their journey. Your comments may have a meaning and impact on their lives, so please share encouragement with your fellow aviators! I just wanted to share a snippet of my life in aviation and bring some hope to others.
You are so capable!
